To the big sister

Today there was a lot of crying in my house. Pregnancy hormones just ran rampant and tears came and went. 

After I put Antonella down for a nap and instructed her not to get out of bed because she was a big girl now, I realized indeed she had to be. Today was the last day in her life I was going to put her in her new exciting toddler bed as an only child. She will never again be the only Luehmann girl, and I cried. I cried because my baby is growing and I seem to miss most of it, and I cried because she's about to receive the most amazing gift one could be given, a best friend for life. 

I wrote to Antonella right before she was born here, and I will do a belly progression for Emiliana and share what I wrote to her. But I thought I needed to write to my first born today. 

Nothing could have prepared me for the last 18 months, no book, no movie, no story. Nobody could have ever explained the type of love I was going to feel for you. Everyday I seem to fall in love with you more and more, and unaware you do new things that make me realize you own such an enormous part of my heart, you can wreck it with just a smile. 

For 18 months I've looked down at you while you sleep and I've prayed for you. I've prayed for wisdom, I've prayed for a unique sensitivity to the Holy Spirit, I've prayed for you to see yourself through the Lord's eyes and not your own, I've prayed for a life full of adventures guided by His hand. And over and over and over again, my prayers turn to thanksgiving. I see your father standing next to me praying just as fervently for you and me, then I look back at you and every time without fail I tell God: THANK YOU! I don't deserve this but thank you! 

So my daughter; crazy, curious, rambunctious, wild daughter; I have enjoyed every second of us 3 being a family. I have loved getting to know you and learning everything about you. It has been an honor to parent you alongside Papa. And I cannot wait to see you as a big sister, I have no doubt you will be the most fun, most encouraging, most supportive, most incredible big sister. 

Antonella from now on it is 4 of us, you have to teach Emiliana our ways, you must show her all of our dance moves, secret bird calls, and weird words. You get to introduce her to papa's amazing grilled cheese sandwiches, and momma's ok food. From tomorrow on you will have in Emiliana the most incredible ally, the best of friends, and the most fun of partners. You will never have to feel alone because you will have a sister that will stand with you always, she will be able to read your mind, and know everything about you. You two will make everyone wish they had what you will have, and together you will take over the world and do all the Lord has sent to you do. 

I love you, momma. 

Baby L # 2 - Week 41

Baby L #2 - Week 41

Weight - +29 lb 
Inches - 13.5 inches 
Like -  Still truckloads of lemonade
Dislike - Nothing I can think of

After all the weight loss and the thinking Emliana was too small I ended up getting scheduled for non-stress tests every 3-4 days so twice I went and both times the results were the same, little E is as healthy as they come. Even though she is considered small, she's within normal ranges. One of the doctor's even said he thought she wasn't all that small. 

I stopped throwing up this week which was nice. I have been walking as much as I can, but the sciatica pain, and pain in my upper thigh makes it hard to walk too fast without scaring people around me, if I make a small noise people think i am going into labor. I guess that's normal when you are carrying an enormous watermelon belly around. 

Even though I am past due I have been feeling great, I have had a lot of energy and haven't really felt down or anything. At night I am pretty exhausted which I think is normal since my body is working hard all day. But aside from that I feel pretty comfortable. 

Sneezing and coughing have proven dangerous as I may or may not pee my pants when those things happen. Emi also jumps happily on my bladder sometimes and I have to stop wherever I am to cross my legs because I feel like I am going to wet myself. Caleb has been having fun laughing at that. 

Emiliana is still quite active, she just never really stops, I think she sleeps in the early afternoon when her sister is napping too, but aside from that I feel like she's awake all day long. Her most active times are early morning, and between 9pm and midnight. 

She also gets the hiccups a lot. 3-4 times a day sometimes. I love feeling the hiccups, I just stop and stare at my bely going up and down. 

This week I had a lady chase me down the street to say a lot of strange obscene things at me, she was screaming and I was so confused. I turned after she got really aggressive and asked her to shut up in the name of Jesus and stop following me, and she stopped moving but ket screaming, however a man crossed the street as I said that and stood between her and I and told her to leave me alone. It was the strangest thing and quite frankly it made me really uncomfortable, mostly because I thought she was going to attack me and well I am 41 weeks pregnant here. As I was talking to Caleb about it afterwards he made a good point; you can't call your baby a name that means rival of darkness and not expect to get some kickback from the darkness. I know Emi will bring light to many places and she will do so courageously. 

Ok, last week of pregnancy here we go. 

Baby L # 2 - Week 40

Baby L #2 - Week 40

Weight - +27 lb 
Inches - 12.5 inches 
Like -  Lemonade, lemonade, lemonade
Dislike - Throwing up

So we went to the doctor and I lost 2 more lb which they don't like much, so they did a small ultrasound and a non-stress test to make sure Emiliana is doing well. After checking everything and being in the hospital for way too long they realized she was completely fine, all the throwing up is making me lose weight, and apparently I have an umbilical hernia (which they say should be fine after I deliver). 

Emiliana was asleep when we started the testing so they gave me cold water and asked me to eat so she would wake up. Once she woke up she started kicking a lot and her heart rate spiked at 173 and stayed pretty big for a while. The nurses were laughing because she was acting like she was mad they woke her up. 

I haven't been feeling anything new really, she is just comfortably in my belly waiting to come whenever she's ready. I am not anxious either or anything, I feel like we are right on time and we are doing great. I think having an expectation that she was going to be late made this wait so much better. 

We have her room pretty much done, minus a few decor items that we can't buy right now it's pretty done. All her clothes have been washed, her bag is ready to go, we are now just talking about her a lot and to her a lot more. I am so excited to meet her, but I am also treasuring the time I am spending with her, soon she won't be in my belly and I won't get to feel her violent kicks anymore. 

I have to go for monitoring every 3-4 days, so they will continue to check me. 

Baby L #2 - Week 39

Baby L #2 - Week 39

Weight - +29 lb 
Inches - 13 inches 
Like -  Lemonade, lemonade, lemonade
Dislike - Throwing up

So I have been throwing up a lot, a lot, a lot. Sometimes it is so violent that I end up getting contractions. One night this past week I ended up having contractions every 5 minutes lasting 1minute and 20 seconds. I thought I was in labor but two hours of that and then they started getting less frequent and less intense and I knew it was not time yet. All the throwing up has me looking sickly haha, but I am fine really. 

We were able to finish most of Emiliana's room this past week. It is such a fun thing to do to plan their rooms, and fold their clothes, and imagine them in their little dresses and occupying their own space. It is different this time around, I have a vague idea of what to expect, I know I'll willingly spend sleepless nights with her and I'll snuggle her while sitting in her room and dreaming of what she will be. I know I'll smell her too much, and try to memorize every little thing she does to no avail because she'll do too man amazing things. Imagining Emiliana while doing her room has been an interesting time, we just dream of her, as her older sister dances around the furniture. 

At our doctor's appointment this week we were told yet again that Emi is too small, so it looks like she's below 10% which simply means I am not eligible to have her in the birth center. I can still have her with a midwife and in labor and delivery but babies below 10% and above 90% are considered high risk so I may have to head to regular labor and delivery which is not a big deal. They still want to do an ultrasound to discard any problems even though they don't anticipate any, due to the price of the ultrasound though we are hesitant to get it, we know she's completely fine.